You're An EXTREME Redneck When....
1. You le t your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fri dge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15.. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk .
You might be a redneck if...
25 Ways To Annoy A Yankee
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies - banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba".
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there."
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies - banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba".
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there."
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.
How to annoy a Southerner:
1. Tell them Gone With The Wind is not a documentary.
2. Ask for maple syrup when they serve you grits.
3. Tell them the word for their mother’s brother’s daughter is spelled c-o-u-s-i-n and not g-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d.
4. Tell them Pepsi is better than Coke.
5. Tell them that "Walmart Sucks!"
6. Order a steak at a Waffle House.
7. Laugh at people's names... Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, MaryBeth and Inez
8. Order a bottle of pop or a can of soda
9. Show allegiances to any other school in football other than an SEC team.
10. Everytime you see a toothless person (see Waffle House) ask them if that's their "kin" and then giggle..
11. Go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast.
12. Try to speak with a southern accent..
13. Talk about how nice it is up north...
14. Ask what the score was to your Lacrosse or hockey team back up north
15. Ask them what "fixin" means
1. Tell them Gone With The Wind is not a documentary.
2. Ask for maple syrup when they serve you grits.
3. Tell them the word for their mother’s brother’s daughter is spelled c-o-u-s-i-n and not g-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d.
4. Tell them Pepsi is better than Coke.
5. Tell them that "Walmart Sucks!"
6. Order a steak at a Waffle House.
7. Laugh at people's names... Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, MaryBeth and Inez
8. Order a bottle of pop or a can of soda
9. Show allegiances to any other school in football other than an SEC team.
10. Everytime you see a toothless person (see Waffle House) ask them if that's their "kin" and then giggle..
11. Go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast.
12. Try to speak with a southern accent..
13. Talk about how nice it is up north...
14. Ask what the score was to your Lacrosse or hockey team back up north
15. Ask them what "fixin" means
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{ESC}Tater-Salad
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- Location: Owensboro, KY
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+1BaZuKa X wrote:Touché Mama touché.....oh by the way Chicago Bears suck !!! :TWOFINGERS:
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