Elite Sniper Corps

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

ARTHUR - The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1 - Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR - Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1 - What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR - It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1 - It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR - Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1 - Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR - Please!
SOLDIER #1 - Am I right?
ARTHUR - I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2 - It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1 - Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2 - Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR - Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1 - But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2 - Oh, yeah.
SOLDIER #1 - So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
SOLDIER #2 - Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1 - No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2 - Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1 - What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2 - Well, why not?

[wind]
[clop clop clop]
KING ARTHUR: Whoa there!
[clop clop clop]
SOLDIER #1: Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.
King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
SOLDIER #1: Pull the other one!
ARTHUR: I am,... and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the
length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my
court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER #1: What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR: Yes!
SOLDIER #1: You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR: What?
SOLDIER #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em
together.
ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land,
through the kingdom of Mercea, through--
SOLDIER #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: We found them.
SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the
plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to
our land?
SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question
of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur
from the Court of Camelot is here.
SOLDIER #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs
to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR: Please!
SOLDIER #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow.
That's my point.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah...
SOLDIER #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
[clop clop clop]
SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?

I hope you enjoy it here LOL