Man Tools
Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:03 pm
I found this guide very handy. Men, you can enjoy the truth of these definitions, and women, you can decide which one to buy for your man. I am thinking that the last tool is the most useful
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles to test wall/window integrity.
CIRCULAR SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short and leave a kerf line through your new work table.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
VISE GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. Versatile, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts - adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. 1st law of hammers - the harder you swing the more likely your thumb nail gets flattened.
VOLTMETER:
A device that is used to accurately measure the voltage about to surge unexpectedly through your body.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through both the wall and contents of cardboard cartons — works particularly well on upholstered seats, liquids in plastic bottles, and expensive or irreplaceable parts. Especially useful for quickly draining blood from your fingers.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles to test wall/window integrity.
CIRCULAR SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short and leave a kerf line through your new work table.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
VISE GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. Versatile, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts - adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. 1st law of hammers - the harder you swing the more likely your thumb nail gets flattened.
VOLTMETER:
A device that is used to accurately measure the voltage about to surge unexpectedly through your body.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through both the wall and contents of cardboard cartons — works particularly well on upholstered seats, liquids in plastic bottles, and expensive or irreplaceable parts. Especially useful for quickly draining blood from your fingers.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
