OMG ROFLMAO

[{ESC}Tater-Salad]

Saw this on SH forum couldn't help but share!!!!!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop
That sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th
Anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for

My wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.

The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with

No long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however,
That if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal

Surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity

Darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn

Spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to

Myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and

Thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh

& blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction

Of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet

Cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to

Protect herself against a mugger, I did want some

Assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with

My reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of

My nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would
Shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst

Was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major

Loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would

Purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground

Like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three

Seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the

While I'm looking at this little device measuring

About 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;

Pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy

Triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible

Way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description,
But I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie

Looking on with her head cocked to one side as to

Say, ' don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one

Second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't

Hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one

Second burst just for heck of it. I touched the

Prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,

And . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS

OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the
Side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body

Slammed us both on the carpet, over and over

And over again. I vaguely recall waking up on
My side in the fetal position, with tears in my

Eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,

Testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm
Tucked under my body in the oddest position,

And tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging

above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to

avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such

thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged

from your hand by a violent thrashing about on

the floor. A three second burst would be considered

conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was
a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits

(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the

landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the

mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside

down and about 8 feet or so from where it

originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both

nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it

had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom

lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the

drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too

numb to know for sure and my sense of smell

was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my

head which I believe it came from my hair. I'm

still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a

significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly
threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being
stupid.'

[{ESC}Reaper]

lol i know i've read this somewhere before but always funny as hell to read :P

[{ESC}Lager]

LMAO !!!!!

Good one Mr. tater !!!! :bravo2:

[{ESC}Headcase]

Screw the tranz, lets get this for our server!

[{ESC}Mikey]

That is funny .... Them things will GRAB YOUR ATTENTION ! if you have any

LOL

[{ESC}K.V]

c button crouch
v button melee
b button taze lol
we should call activision to ask for next cod for tazers as well lol think about it
sniper picking his target...u sneek up behind him...melee quick and painful and humilating ...or...taze long painful hilarious however he mite survive still twitching ofcourse and mite be able to last stand lol!!!