Please Don't try this.
Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 5:09 am
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Sophie, the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Well... Looking at the bag and realizing that it actually did say DOG FOOD, in big bold letters...I thought I would have some fun with her:
I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I had ended up in the hospital the last time I was on it.
But, since I'd lost 50 pounds, before I awakened in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms, I had decided to give it another try.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again and just be a little more careful this time.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line at Wal-Mart was by now listening and enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard, he fell on the floor.
Wal-Mart has now taken away my shopping privileges.
Well... Looking at the bag and realizing that it actually did say DOG FOOD, in big bold letters...I thought I would have some fun with her:
I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I had ended up in the hospital the last time I was on it.
But, since I'd lost 50 pounds, before I awakened in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms, I had decided to give it another try.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again and just be a little more careful this time.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line at Wal-Mart was by now listening and enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard, he fell on the floor.
Wal-Mart has now taken away my shopping privileges.
